The Hollywood divorce between Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, which has been the subject of much attention, is explained by psychologists as the result of two opposing emotional attachment styles, a broken emotional system, and a lack of healing skills.
"I love her. But I ruined everything." This rare sharing of Brad Pitt was revealed by a close friend in an article published in The India Times in early July. The actor called this "the most important relationship of his life" but admitted that he "was not mature enough" to preserve it.
That statement not only made the once-most-admired love affair in Hollywood attract attention once again but also became the center of discussion from the perspective of psychologists.
"Two opposing attachment styles are easily attracted to each other, but difficult to accompany each other in the long term."
In December 2024, Brad and Jolie finalized their divorce agreement after 8 years of accusing each other. From the start, the relationship between the two had the appearance of a fateful encounter. They met in 2004 while filming Mr. & Mrs. Smith, when Brad was Jennifer Aniston's husband. Their on-screen chemistry quickly turned into real feelings in real life, creating one of the most talked-about love affairs in Hollywood. After going public with each other, they became the most powerful couple in the entertainment industry, dubbed "Brangelina" by the media.
But according to Professor Esther Perel, the world's leading relationship therapist, the couple has two opposing emotional attachment styles: Brad is "avoidant" attachment, while Angelina exhibits "anxious" attachment traits. According to Perel, Brad grew up in a strict family, learned to hide his emotions, live independently, and always handle all difficulties on his own. This type of person often fears too much intimacy and easily feels "suffocated" when expected to express emotions. On the contrary, Angelina had a tumultuous childhood, struggled with depression and self-destruction. She always seeks deep connection and a sense of being understood, which is what anxiously attached people need to feel secure in love.
"Avoidants are often attracted to anxious people because of their liveliness and warmth. But at the same time, they are also prone to feeling pressured and withdrawn when pulled too deeply. Meanwhile, the more anxious people are ignored, the more they try to hold on, making the relationship a vicious cycle," Perel commented.
"Divorce is the result of a broken emotional system."
In 2016, when Brad Pitt was accused of having an argument and a fight with his son Maddox on a private flight from France to the US, Angelina Jolie immediately filed for divorce and requested custody of all 6 children. Many people thought this was the "last straw", but psychologists saw something deeper.
According to Verywell Mind, this type of event often causes not only trauma because of the specific behavior but also collapses the already precarious emotional system in the relationship. The concept of "betrayal trauma" developed by Dr. Jennifer Freyd describes the psychological state when the closest person, the person we trust the most, is the source of the trauma.
In Jolie's case, the feeling of insecurity in her own home may have been simmering for a long time and was just waiting for a triggering event to manifest. "Divorce is not just the end of a marriage, it's the breakdown of an emotional safety net that no longer functions," writes family therapist Emily Salius in Psychology Today.
Breaking Down for Lack of Healing Skills
What makes Brangelina's story so interesting is not just their celebrity status, but also that it represents millions of couples who break up for lack of healing skills, according to Alexandra Solomon, PhD, a marriage psychologist at Northwestern University.
"Brad and Angelina got together out of love and unconsciously hoped that the other would heal their past wounds," she writes in Loving Bravely. But love, no matter how beautiful, cannot replace each person taking responsibility for their own healing journey.
When a marriage falls apart, each person is forced to face the unhealed part of themselves, this time alone. Angelina devotes herself to her children and humanitarian work. Meanwhile, Brad, after years of living in silence and avoiding emotions, began to face himself: from joining AA, quitting drinking, to regular therapy. According to Professor Esther Perel, that journey is a clear demonstration of "post-traumatic growth": when people are forced to collapse to be reborn. "There are lessons that cannot be learned in happiness, but only when we hit rock bottom," she commented.
According to Us Weekly, Brad Pitt is now using work as a driving force to stay strong after his family's turmoil, participating in many projects as an actor and producer. He also lives a slower life, preferring to spend time with long-time friends. In addition, his love affair with Ines de Ramon brings peace and stability to the actor. She is said to be an understanding person, in tune with Brad Pitt. The two were rumored to be dating in 2022, and first appeared publicly at the British Grand Prix in 2024.
As for Angelina Jolie, People reported that Jolie currently has a stable life in Los Angeles with her children, some of whom are grown and independent. In addition to her roles in the film industry, she also develops a humanitarian fashion brand and co-founded the "Women for Bees" initiative with UNESCO. According to a source close to Vogue, "Angelina is happy with her current life. She feels more peaceful and stable than ever."
(According to India Times, Psychology, Vanityfair)